My name's not on the ballot but I have a feeling that today, through some miracle, I might get elected Hitler of Canada.
You've seen the platforms of the established parties. It's all fluff. My policies offer real change.
-That pasty-faced cracker bitch Sarah Polley will become a toothless crack ho selling her wares everywhere between Parkdale and Beaches.
-Donald Sutherland will drink three bottles of sherry a day and yell at seagulls at the Waterfront.
-Ottawa lawyer Richard Warman will be promoted to being the guy who cleans off all of the bird shit on transatlantic flights at Pearson.
-There'll be a standing room only inquiry as to why all of the guys who went to school with Toronto Star's Heather Mallick and wondered what it would be like to kiss her when they were eleven are now flaming homosexuals.
Vote for me.