Breaking: Luke Skywalker Is Gay Whereas E.T. Is Just Plain Ugly

I went to elementary school in the 1980s.

I was 8 when both E.T. and Return of the Jedi came out.

In 1983 my entire class went to the theater in the afternoon to see each film. It was a big deal for the poorer kids.

E.T. was banned in Scandinavian countries for anyone under 12 because it made kids trust strangers. But the Waterloo County School Board was hot on showing it to its students, anyway.

E.T. is a movie about an ugly, disgusting foreigner who can't speak any English and a boy who helps him phone home. It's a movie that really speaks to friendless freckle-faced boys.

There was a lot of homophobia in the 1980s. After Hollywood had suddenly popularized homosexuality in the 1970s a lot of men had been traversing America exchanging blood with each other and, unsurprisingly, a disease had broken out.

Return of the Jedi is about a gay guy who, to an 8-year-old, looks like a 12-year-old boy, and his two gay robots, one being a ginger. To an 8-year-old being in love with your sister is the worst form of homosexuality.

By 1989/90 America turned up the volume on black culture and the Hitler/Holocausting of students went into full effect.

I think it was Adolf Hitler who predicted that Marxist teachers would get together with Hollywood Jews to flood America with immigrants and turn white kids gay. I think he predicted that before he went insane because he was tricked into fighting a war he couldn't win on two fronts.
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