Threatening Letters To Warren Kinsella - Part 7


In the last installment of my satirical screenplay Peter Mansbridge and Shaun Majumder discuss breaking back into prison.

(go back to part 1).

Now I present Part 7...

EXT. ESTABLISHING SHOT OF THE SUN NEWS BUILDING - DAY

INT. EZRA LEVANT'S OFFICE

It is large and sparsely decorated. EZRA sits at a desk writing. WARREN KINSELLA nervously enters.

KINSELLA: You wanted to see me, sir?

LEVANT: Yes. I remember we went to high school together back in Alberta. We were like this...


KINSELLA: (smiles meekly) Yes, I remember.

LEVANT: Then you started suing me. What was that all about, anyway?

KINSELLA: (small voice) A misunderstanding, sir.

LEVANT: Then someone told me that you write books. So I picked up one of your little self-published books and in it it says that you're a Liberal. A Liberal? What is that? Is that like a Shriner?

KINSELLA: The political party, sir.

LEVANT: (shocked) They still have that? What? Like Lester Pearson?

KINSELLA: (ashamed) Yes, sir.

LEVANT: You know what? Just get out! Clean out your desk and get out.

EXT. SUN NEWS BUILDING - DAY

WARREN KINSELLA leaves the building looking sad. He's carrying all of his possessions in a box. A minivan pulls up and he gets in the passenger seat. Now we see that the driver is OLIVIA CHOW.

CHOW: What is it now, Warren? I'm a busy lady.

KINSELLA: (tears) They fired me.

CHOW: (angry) Can't you do anything right? When I'm mayor of Toronto I'll drive those fuckers at Sun News all the way back to Alberta. There'll be more public transport, happier people, and then the peasants will overthrow the bourgeoisie elite.

KINSELLA: Yes, ma'am.

CHOW: Where to now?

KINSELLA: Where else? The CBC building.

EXT. CBC BUILDING - DAY

DAVD SUZUKI and AMANDA LANG stand by a tree. Drunk out of their minds, they sway back and forth as they chug from bottles in brown paper bags.

LANG: If only... (trying not to throw up) If only Ignatieff had won the election we'd have expense accounts and we'd be drinking in a fancy pub with those people from Global.

Suzuki falls over and struggles to get up. He starts laughing and says...

SUZUKI: I just did a show on the Arctic yellow-spotted loon. There is no Arctic yellow-spotted loon!

Now we see Olivia Chow's minivan pull up and KINSELLA gets out with his box in hand. As she drives away OLIVIA yells at him...

CHOW: Hey, Warren: Don't call me again unless they give you a big show in prime time.

(on to part 8).


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