Threatening Letters To Warren Kinsella - Part 5


Disclaimer: This screenplay is a work of satire like, 'The Canadian Air Farce,' 'Stephen Colbert,' or Olivia Chow's election campaign. (Go back to part 1).

EXT. DOWNTOWN TORONTO - DAY

WARREN KINSELLA is walking down a street. PEOPLE pause and stare at him. Many say...

PEDESTRIAN: That's Bill Murray!

PEDESTRIAN #2: Ghostbusters!

PEDESTRIAN #3: I loved Groundhog Day!

KINSELLA: (angrily) I am not Bill Murray.

A limo pulls up to the curb. The rear window slides down and a white glove beckons Kinsella. We hear whispering from the rear seat as he leans forward to listen.

KINSELLA: Yes sir...Anything you say sir...I'll try to do better next time...

After a pause he asks...

KINSELLA: Say, would you like to come over to my house for dinner sometime?

Now we see EZRA LEVANT in the rear seat of the limo looking absolutely disgusted.

LEVANT: No, I do not want to come over to your house for dinner sometime!

The limo drives off. Kinsella continues to walk as people say...

PEDESTRIAN #4: Welcome to Toronto, Mr. Murray!

PEDESTRIAN #5: I loved you in that thing you did with that girl from the commercial!

PEDESTRIAN #6: Can I have an autograph?

KINSELLA: (angrily) I am not Bill Murray! Why doesn't anybody recognize me?

VOICE: Hey Kinsella!

Kinsella turns. Now we see 100 TALL REDHEADED MEN emerge from an alley. They look pissed.

REDHEAD #1: We're the redheads that were in school before September 11th when it was all about the holocaust and Nazis.

REDHEAD #2: We'd like to talk to you about computer science majors and their 14-year-old girlfriends!

REDHEAD #3: Did you read my Blogspot blog?

REDHEAD #4: Why did most of the good-looking blond guys go to community college? And also the black guys because I'm not a racist!

REDHEAD #5: I'm a racist: I'm all Nazied out!

Kinsella looks scared. He turns and runs.

REDHEAD #6: There's more redheaded kids in commercials these days! We're getting more and more popular! One day people will listen to us!

(On to Part 6).




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