Threatening Letters To Warren Kinsella


The past week saw this dramatic interchange...




All of this drama caused me to leave a comment on Warren's blog talking about how I, myself, fantasize about throwing a pie in his face.

He failed to publish it.

But Warren: I thought we were friends!

Then I had an idea.

For a movie.

I will spend the next 6 months writing it and then sell it to the CBC for $80.

I call it: 'Threatening Letters To Warren Kinsella.'

Here's what I have so far...

EXT. PUBLIC PARK - DAY

22 Minutes host SHAUN MAJUMDER sits at a park bench. He nervously looks around making sure that he is alone. Then he pulls out a pen and note pad and begins to write furiously.

SHAUN (ranting to himself): Dear Warren Kinsella. You have poo for brains and I hate you so much. I laughed so hard when you ran in North Vancouver and lost. Just because your band sucks doesn't give you a right to take it out on the rest of us...

INT. TIM HORTONS - DAY

BOB and JIM, two CSIS agents, sit at a table eating donut after donut. They are both overweight and middle aged. Bob, who fancies himself as James Bond, wears a finely tailored suit. Jim dons a Maple Leaf sweater and a Blue Jays hat.

Bob's cell RINGS and he swiftly answers.

BOB: Yeah...Uh-huh...Okay...We're on it.

He puts the phone away and turns to Jim.

BOB: Warren Kinsella just received another anonymous threatening letter. 8th one this week.

JIM: Who's Warren Kinsella?

BOB: He's that guy from Sun News. I think he fills in for Ezra Levant on, 'The Source,' whenever Ezra is sick.

JIM: Oh...I'm still drawing a blank.

BOB: He's the guy who looks exactly like Bill Murray. It's eerie: They're like doppelgangers.

Jim looks stunned.

JIM: You mean Bill Murray's life is in danger?

Now Bob looks stunned. They both suddenly get up and run for the exit. As they leave Bob yells...

BOB: We're coming to save you, Bill Murray!

And there you have it. The beginnings of a cinematic masterpiece.

On to Part 2. 
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