A Conservative Viewpoint:

Is the Black Monolith from, '2001: A Space Odyssey,' a Stealth Fighter?

Since late March reports of Sasquatch sightings have poured in from the Ottawa area.

The Sasquatch (also known as, 'Bigfoot') is a large ape-like creature which walks upright like man. Their existence has never been proven but seeing one in the Ottawa region is highly unusual because they are purportedly indigenous to the Pacific rain forest.

After scientists set up observation points around the city to confirm the creature's presence in the national capital, many were disappointed: It turned out not to be Bigfoot at all but, instead, the New Democrat's new leader.

Now, almost two months later, I'm still taken aback by who the NDP has chosen to be the hairy face of their party. A day doesn't go by when I'm not on Twitter asking some orange wave supporter: "No really: Wasn't Mr. Mulcair Ape #4 in the 2001 remake of Planet of the Apes?" I still haven't gotten an answer.

To be honest I'm a Harper Conservative. The reason why is because I voted for Harper and I still admit it.

Ever since taking over the NDP the one who is called Mulcair has been asserting his role as his tribe's alpha male by grunting discontent over the escalating costs of the F-35 stealth fighter project. Canadians are smart enough to see through this. Stephen Harper has been Prime Minister since 2006 and inherited the F-35 from his Liberal predecessors. Harper has also given this country a strong, stable government through the global economic crisis. But let's face facts: Stephen Harper just really isn't that good.

Now don't get me wrong: I still support him. When you look at all of the alternatives Harper's really not all that bad.

But after being PM for so long isn't it time that he get something back? Some new fandangled fighter jets to escort his Airbus when he flies around the world meeting heads of state would be nice. It's the least we could do.

And one day soon Thomas Mulcair and his shadow cabinet will wake up at sunrise in a large canyon and act all startled when they see a black monolith-like stealth fighter just sitting there. They will gather around it and grunt and paw at it as eerie classical music plays in the background.

First published in Frank blogs: http://www.frankmagazine.ca/
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