Update: Jean Chretien Still Alive!

Beating the odds on how long a man can live and astounding scientists everywhere, former Prime Minister Jean Chretien has emerged from his sarcophagus. We estimate his age to be at at least 213. Joking with reporters, he's now donating the offerings that foreign leaders placed at his feet as he ruled Canada so that they can be put on exhibit until September. You know what this means? If he's boasting about all of the gold medallions and shrunken heads he's collected, he's just going to want more and more. Unless you know that you can effectively spray garlic in his face, I suggest giving him something he'd like: Maybe a gold bust of Paul Martin or something.

Jean Chretien (file photo).
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