Jean Chretien Still Alive!

Former Prime Minister Jean Chretien has awoken from his sarcophagus proving that he is still alive in some unearthly form.

File Photo: Jean Chretien

Our sources estimate his age to be at least 180. At first it was unclear what he wanted from us. CBC political commentators and analysts feared that he craved the blood of virgins and were wondering if they should sacrifice some of the newly elected Quebec NDP MPs to quell his thirst. Then it turned out that he has risen to endorse an NDP/Liberal merger.
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