Harper Victory!


The day that most liberal and left-leaning Canadians have feared has come. The Conservative Party will form a majority government with 167 seats. This now means that they can do whatever they want without fear of being toppled by the other parties ganging up and outnumbering them.

We at El Canadu suspect that there will be a number of immediate changes:

-If you go to the hospital or see a doctor, bring a credit card along. While Stephen Harper still says he remains committed to public health care, American pharmaceutical companies have a lot of money and can throw fancy parties. Don't be surprised if a particularly ruthless lobbyist from a pharmaceutical company stoops so low as to win Harper over by complimenting him on his singing-something that few people could stomach to do.

-The education system is important to all Conservatives and, to encourage first-rate academics, the fourth year of high school will become mobile. High School seniors will be made to dress in green and sleep in tents. They will also be taught all about automatic weapons should they be caught in the middle of a fire fight while on a school trip.

-Likewise, solving unemployment is also important to the Harper government. Soon the jobless will find a fulfilling existence toiling in the asbestos mines of southeastern Quebec.

-David Johnston, the Governor General, is just a seat warmer. Later this year an unnamed man from Texas, now known only by the initial, 'W,' will be appointed to the highest position in the land.

-There will be be a few minor tweaks and adjustments to the national anthem, resulting in this...

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