Friday, July 16, 2010

The Next F-18


Defence Minister Peter MacKay brushed off criticism today from journalists expressing concern that Canada was re-entering the billion dollar military-industrial complex by buying a one engine fighter.

Canada currently uses the F-18 Hornet as its primary fighter. They will be 40 years old by 2020 when they will be replaced by the new plane. They have shown signs of wear. An aircraft designed as a light fighter for the U.S. Navy, many viewed the F-16 Falcon as superior. However, Canada preferred the Hornet because if one engine went out it would have another one to fly on over our vast territory. This rudimentary view didn't work in the real world and the F-18 has proven to be less than durable. In fact, Canada has had to purchase used F-18's from the Australian air force to make up for the quickly ageing fleet.

Any time that Canadians bring up the air force somebody is bound to mention the Avro Arrow. Let's forget about the Arrow and talk about other great Canadian planes that never were. For example...The Defender. Bob Diemert's prototype which he hoped to sell to the air force should have the cult status of the Arrow. Back in the 1980's the spectre of a Soviet invasion loomed over us. Since we were stupid in the '80's we realized that the first thing the Russians would do would be to paratroop into our northerly regions and set up camp there, waiting for us to shoot at them. This would have been nice of them. In reality they would have just nuked us with ICBMs from subs off of our coasts. But in the drunken dementia of the time, Diemert built a plane to defend Canada against the Ruskies. Akin to World War 1 technology, every able bodied Canadian male would have a Defender for the price of the F-18 contract. Should the Reds have ever set foot in our arctic we would have said: "Maw: Git me another beer and ma gun. I'm pullin' the Defender out a tha garage."

Here is the whole National Film Board documentary about the Defender...So watch out Avro Arrow fans: Canadian aerospace that never was has a new contender! And maybe we should get some Defenders instead of F-35s.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Don't Travel to Alberta; Go to California: It's Much Safer and Cleaner!

Corporate Ethics International, a group which was founded to campaign against ruthless big business, has a new target: Albertan tourism. Because of the development of the tar sands, they have launched billboards and commercials telling would-be holiday goers that the province is not what it seems.

And, of course, Corporate Ethics International is headquartered in California. Here are some pictures of California:

The thing is if Californians want to continue owning eight cars each so that they can spend five hours a day on the expressway, they're going to need to get their oil from somewhere.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The Liberal Campaign Bus Breaks Down!

DRAMATIZATION:




Despite the fact that no election has been called, Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff headed out in his campaign bus hoping to criss-cross the country to drum up some support. In an omen of things to come, the bus suddenly broke down.

That's it: There's nothing left for Iggy to do but to go home.

Even though the polls haven't closed because no election was ever called, the El Canadu editorial staff is now projecting a third straight minority government victory for the Harper Conservatives.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Early English Words

Here are two early English words that mean what they sound like: GROUTHEAD and UGSOME.

Used in a sentence: Canada Day was ruined because that 'grouthead' Premiere Dalton McGuinty chose it to introduce an 'ugsome' new tax called the HST.

More on North Korea...

There is currently an online vote going on to send Justin Bieber to North Korea to preform a concert. And it has gone viral.


Now you see: That's something that'll brighten up Kim-Il's day. When he's in line with a bunch of screaming teenaged girls trying to score some Bieber tickets, he'll forget about his fantasies of holding the world hostage with nuclear weapons.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Early English Word of the Day...


Ever since I started looking at a dictionary of early English words that are no longer in use, I have found a new interest in blogging some of them back into existence.

The word today is: DACRYOPOEOS

It means being tearful.

Used in a sentence: When those awful G20 leaders and those terrible protesters finally left, many Torontonians experienced 'dacryopoeos.'
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