Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The NDP used the weekend to get two new supporters to join...

Their ranks.

This is an important and historic time for the NDP. They desperately need those two guys to join. Twenty years from now there will be a Conservative minority government in Ottawa. The difference is whether the Opposition will be made up of the 'Liberal-NDP-Bloc Quebecois-Green Party ' or the 'Liberal-Bloc Quebecois-Green Party.'

Monday, June 28, 2010

The Black Bloc even came armed with...


The dreaded vuvuzelas.

http://inthefade.tumblr.com/post/745647585/you-will-never-take-our-vuvuzelas

El Canadu will return to its regularly scheduled blog postings after

our editorial staff gets out of the temporary detention centre used to hold G20 protesters.

After we saw a few people waving the flags of pre-communist Vietnam and also the fleur-de-lis, we decided to display our own incoherant flag for protesting a global summit. And so, waving a Mongolian flag, we took turns yelling into a megaphone.

"Mr. Prime Minister," we said. "Why have you been silent on the whole situation of Mongolia for so long? You have been PM for six years and we have never heard you speak on this subject."

At first some of the other protesters gathered around to listen to what we had to say so, encouraged, we spoke even louder: "Since you've left us in the dark Mr. Prime Minister, our first question that we'd like answered is: Where is Mongolia? Because we were on Google Earth this morning and we couldn't find it. One guy told us that it was close to China but then a woman said that it was near Russia. Secondly, what's with Mongolia? Are they communist, are they our friends, or are they part of the Axis of Evil? Please tell us because we're wondering. I once ate at a restaurant called the, 'Mongolian Grill,' and it actually wasn't bad but, it in itself, is not the kind of place you'd remember two years later..."

Lake Ontario


Through the trees.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

In Kurt Vonnegut's novel, 'Jailbird,' the Ramjac Corporation controls...

19% of the United States. It was a huge, faceless leviathan that had overstepped the little guy.

In something completely unrelated, Ontario Premiere Dalton McGuinty is considering whether to merge the LCBO, Ontario Power Generation, Hydro One, and the Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corp into one big company in order to sell shares of it to private enterprise.

Early English Word of the Day

As long as I'm looking at my new dictionary of early English words that are no longer in use, I will be trying to blog some of the more interesting ones back into existence.

The word today is: Clapperdudgeon.

It was used to describe someone who is a vagrant, a beggar, or who comes from a far less than noble background.

Used in a sentence: Premiere Dalton McGuinty is going to turn all of Ontario into one giant megacorporation and he won't stop until everyone is a 'clapperdudgeon.'

Happy St-Jean-Baptiste Day, Quebec!


Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Travel Advisory!


The American government has issued a warning to U.S. citizens who had planned to visit Toronto during G-20. The situation here could turn, 'violent and unpredictable.'

To help people make other plans we provide this link to Detroit Tourism. 

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Dry Security Zone

After spending 1 billion dollars on making sure that there is a safe economic summit in Toronto, the big-wigs went a step too far: They will be closing 7 Liquor stores in the area for the duration of G-20.

This is outrageous! What about the hundreds of Torontonians that don't care about upsetting the balance of the new one world government? What about those who want to go to the park in the middle of the day and drink malt liquor? Will there be no respite for us?

Stock up on booze before this Thursday.


Monday, June 14, 2010

Meanwhile at the CBC...

The Panel of, 'At Issue' was hoping to take a break for the summer. The glare coming off of Peter Mansbridge's bald head had blinded most of them and they planned to use the holiday to regain their vision. But then Mansbridge asked, "Whose the most overrated politician." It looks like they'll be in the studio until September arguing that one.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Iggy's Faux Pas

In Question Period yesterday Iggy was angry at PM Harper as, while the government is preaching restraint, they spent over five million dollars so far on fencing up Toronto.

But Iggy also said: "Even the French are saying the costs of the summits are getting out of control, and France knows something about extravagance, Mr. Speaker."

This was a mistake. I don't think Stephen Harper knew that one of the other countries that Iggy lives in is France; he probably just took a guess at it. But he was right: The Liberal leader owns a house in Provence.


CSIS Intimidates?

A Native rights group named, 'Red Power United' has video which they secretly took of themselves being approached by a woman who they say works for the Canadian secret service (CSIS).  She warned them that other countries don't understand protesters; basically that they would be run over by tanks if they lived elsewhere.

Would CSIS resort to such tactics?



Friday, June 4, 2010

We received this comment for our in-depth news coverage of the anarchist attack on the Royal Bank in Ottawa:

Anonymous said...


No one who was involved in this has identified themselves as anarchist. Please check your facts - you are perpetuating a nutty moral panic that may help to get many innocent people killed.

Our only question is: Justin Trudeau? Is that you? You used to be in with the big boys, driving around in your father's Mercedes convertible. Just because Canada has chosen to be ruled by a minority Conservative government till the end of time doesn't mean you have to resort to this. Keep your head up. A guy like you could be the Maitre D' at the Sheraton.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010


And if Michael Ignatieff drove a Volkswagen...



He'd be one pretentious guy driving a Volkswagen.
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...